The Winer Confession
by ElizabethSH
Summary: OS: THE Lanie/Beckett talk; Beckett invites Lanie, out of the blue, cause she "needs to talk".


**The Winer Confession**

"Lanie, I need to talk you" That's all it took Lanie Parish to drop everything, grab her coat and drive to Katherine Beckett's apartment.

"You know, it's like the firs – it _is_ the first time you invite me to your _new_ place" Was the first thing she said after stepping inside the apartment. "I love it" was the second.

She started to look at the decoration and admiring the large painting in the living room, when Beckett freed her of her coat and purse. "Please, take a seat" She said. "Wine?"

"Wi-Wine? It's four PM on a Saturday?" Seeing her friends being serious, waiting with the bottle in hand; "Yes, please" she finally said.

She sat at the kitchen island. Making herself comfortable, she sipped a bit of the red wine presented to her. She felt her friend sort of shy while putting the bottle of wine away.

"I'm sure I won't have enough of one glass, bring that bottle back, girl" Beckett seemed surprised, so Lanie waved in encouragement "Come on, bring it back".

Once seated in front of her, Kate Beckett remained silently awkward. "How's you and Javi?" she said.

Lanie laughed putting her glass down. "_We_ are okay. But _you_ didn't call to talk about _my_ personal life, so what's up, girl? What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Kate Beckett lifted the glass up her lips. Her glass wasn't full as she didn't refilled when she served Lanie. The ME also noticed an empty bottle by the sink. Lanie took the nearest bottle and filled her friend's glass. "Please, tell me that bottle (she had a quick look at the sink) is from yesterday or somethin'" When the lady cop did not answered, Lanie started to worry; "Okay, what's going on?"

"We kissed"

Lanie connected the dots; the wine (to ease the shock), the mention of Javier Esposito, the unexpected invitation... She frowned in disagreement. "Who's _we_?"

"Castle and I"

Lanie gasped loudly as if an enormous weight was lifted off her shoulders. Kate went on as she stared at her glass:

"A year ago," Lanie sighed loudly again but fell ashamed when she realised Beckett was dead serious about it. Lanie took another sip of wine. "Back at Raglan's death, when we rescued the boys, Castle kissed me so we could pass the guard." She gently started spinning the blood-red and clear liquid inside it. "It was no big deal" she said loud enough to be heard.

Lanie had lost it there. What's with the wine and the invitation? _That_ couldn't be the reason why this woman had been drinking her bottles dry since who knows when.

"Bullshit" She spit. It had the effect of a slap on the lady-cop's face. It left her speechless.

"When have you become such a liar Kate Beckett?" Here was another mental slap to the right. Small tears formed in her eyes. "Yeah, you better drink that wine some more, cause you're not done talking, lady!" Kate tried to hide in a sip of wine. "I wanna know why all the secrecy and all the drinking, Kate. Look at you. Look how messed up you've become"

Tears grew bigger, but she held them. Lanie brought a tissue box to her reach.

"Everything comes back to the shooting, Lanie" She started after a snort. "I died in that graveyard. Everything left of the Kate Beckett died there. I was ready." She took a breath as the cemetery resurfaced. "I had accepted my fate when ..." Her voice broke. Tears build up in Lanie's eyes as a distant crowd screamed in echo. Kate Beckett inhaled and continued "I was ready to die until ... he begged me not to."

"You remembered?"

She nodded; "Every single time I look in the mirror. Every time I take a shower. Every time I see the scar, and I hear the screams. It's haunting. Every time it brings me back to that graveyard. If my heart beats faster, I remember the pain. Whenever Castle sounds a bit serious, I remember what he said, his every words. I am _so_ scared to live it all again... so I drink to numb the pain. I drink but I can never forget. I'm not ready to face it. I'm not ready to face him. So what am I suppose to do? I'm stuck" Kate hid in her hands.

Lanie stood up the stool and open her arms for Kate to lean in. Lanie pass her hand down the back of her head as she sobbed.

"Give it time, Kate. Give it time" Lanie waited a few minutes after adding "Who else knows? Castle?"

"No. You and my therapist. That's it. But, I think Espo figured it out." She said, more calm now.

"You tried talking to him?"

"Espo? No. I didn't – "

"No. Castle, you silly."

"I can't," Beckett left her friend's arm. "For one; he wouldn't understand and, second, I ... I just can't. Period" She took back the glass of wine.

"He owes to know, Kate, he owes to know you heard him declare?"

She kept saying 'No' while justifying and nodding negatively. One could see she was passing different scenarios and rejecting them almost instantly. When Lanie came to the 'Why?', Kate answered the same she had answered her therapist months ago "It's complicated" and Lanie, same as the therapist: "Why is it complicated?"

"Because, we are working together, we're partn –" She spit out robotically.

"Because you love him back, Kate. That's all!" Lanie cut. "Drink as much as you want, but I am not letting you pretend otherwise!"

So Beckett drank. "Yeah, maybe I-eh..."

"Maybe?" Lanie repeated, "_Maybe_? Girl, you're _way_-passed-crazy in love with him! Even I can tell you gettin' all fuzzy feelings when he's near. You should see your face when he solves a case, or when –"

"When _he_ solves a case?"

"Don't play little miss-offended on me, girl. I know when I see love, and when I see the way you two stare at each other; I see love!"

And again, Kate Beckett drank.

"Okay, how's this, in the best of worlds, how do you see this happen?"

"I don't –"

"OY! Would you take more than half a second to think about it? I don't want to know the answer; I want you to consider an answer."

She was about to say 'No' again but Lanie cut first "Don't make me slap you! I said think about it. It's okay if you need hours, days or _several_ weeks, but this has to come from you." Her head continued the silent protestation as tears manifested again.

"Dr Burke said something like that too" she sighed.

"It's okay sweetie, it's okay. It's going to be fine" Lanie laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.

They turned their head around at the sound of Beckett's ringtone.

"You better answer this, sweetie" Lanie said, " and I better get going too, I've a conference to attend later, but hey," she sought her attention "I'm here if you need me, alright?" Kate nodded. The detective's phone ringed again. "I'm serious. Quit the wine, honey, just think of what your father would think if he knew." She squeezed her hand, took her stuff and left.

"Beckett?"She answered her phone.


End file.
